House Guest from Hell

Ten Ways to Drive Your Friend Out of Her Mind and Never Get Invited Back


  1. Disrupt the daily routine that your friend has with her house pets to such an extent that when your friend gets home from work, the furniture has been torn apart and the pets have managed to seize the kitchen counter and hold the family’s dinner hostage. 
  2. Invite your own guests to the home without asking, have a ghetto cookout with food you didn’t purchase but your friend did, and have your guests stay until an ungodly hour, although your friend has gone to bed hours earlier.
  3. Visit with your friend when you know that you have an infectious disease, don’t tell her about the disease until you’ve shared the same glass of wine and then proceed to tell her about the nasty cooties you have.
  4. Ignore your friend’s request to take off your shoes when you come into the house and look shocked and dismayed when there is evidence of your muddy shoes all over the Persian rug.
  5. Eat your dinner in the guest bedroom and leave evidence of your dinner all over the luxurious Pratesi bedcovers.
  6. Ask to use your friend’s Jacuzzi and never turn off the jets until your friend finds that the jets have been on for several days and the motor has burned.
  7. Leave lights on around the house as though your friend has shares in the electric company.
  8. Leave an obscene amount of clumped, greasy hair on the guest bathroom floor and just before you head out to the airport tell your friend that you tried to find the dust buster but you had more important things to attend to.
  9. As a going away present, leave all of your garbage behind in your room so that your friend has to clean it up.
  10. Break all house guest protocol by going through your friend’s personal belongings and advise your friend that you’ve noticed that she has a few of the same products and that you’ve taken the liberty of relieving her of some of those products by putting them in your suitcase and taking them off her hands.

Note to house guest:  Love to see you again.  Next time stay at a hotel (in another state)!!!!


6 responses to “House Guest from Hell

  1. I wish this wasn’t all true, but I suspect it is…too bad you had such a bad guest!

  2. Wow! After reading this all the way through.. I KNOW that wasn’t me! LOL.

    Dead at the nasty clump of hair and don’t mess up mama’s linens!!!

  3. josieinthecity

    You really can’t make this insanity up. LOL I almost went bald with anxiety. Heh!

  4. josieinthecity

    It is always shocking to me when guests act poorly. What an experience that was for me.

  5. I had to come back and read this again… I am still laughing!

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