Monthly Archives: February 2010

The Ugly Side of Facebook


You hosted an amazing cocktail party.  Your guest list was thoughtfully and deliberately well planned out. The right mix of people – a small group of 20.  This was not the kind of party where you needed or wanted to invite every friend in your address book. It was a special fundraiser and the event was a complete success.  It was ‘Page Six’ worthy.

Then, you woke up the next morning, got out of bed, and left a few of your brain cells on the pillow.  You chirped to your husband how much you were looking forward to uploading your pictures from last night’s soiree, to Facebook. Yes, you were delusional enough to think that this was an absolutely fabulous idea.  You can’t wait to share it with your fellow FBers. 

You pour yourself a cup of that black sludge you call coffee (not even your Husband will drink that vile mixture) and you happily plop yourself down in front of your ‘puter.  You take a sip, put down the mug, and get to work on sorting through some of the best images from the party. You start humming your favorite song.  Your spirits are flying high.  As soon as you upload all of the images, you get the bright idea of adding fun commentary to each pic.  Once done, you get up, take a shower and get on with the business of starting your day.  Before you leave the house though, you go back on Facebook to see if anyone has left a comment yet.

To your surprise, there were 10. As you start to read them, the smile slides off your face.  You slowly sit down. You can’t believe it. The claws had come out from some of your so called “friends”.  They were indignant that they hadn’t been invited. Some even wrote some pretty nasty stuff on your wall.  You’re mind is racing.  How dare they? It wasn’t that kind of party where you needed to invite everyone.  And how many parties had they hosted, that you hadn’t been invited to? Did you get upset? No.  You put your big girl knickers on and realized that friends can hang out with other friends without your participation.  But after reading some of the VERY nasty and unkind public comments, you realize that there is definitely a double standard. You wonder out loud, “Are we still in grade school? How old are we? Grow up people.”  The cattiness is just unbelievable. 

Facebook can bring out the worst in people.  The ugly.  And when it gets ugly, Facebook loses some of its charm and appeal.  And now, you either have to start blocking people or hiding your wall.  What a drag!  Well, so much for sharing!

Working Through the Grief

On December 30, 2009, my beloved Grandmother passed away at the age of 87. The pain, shock and deep and utter despair that I felt was like nothing else I had ever experienced. My life, as I knew it, had been irrevocably changed. Nothing else mattered to me in the weeks that followed her death and trying to climb out of the dark, hopeless abyss of my emotions has been an amazing struggle.

Understandably, the activities that had once given me such joy, like writing and creating, had taken a back seat to my all-consuming pain. Nothing made sense to me anymore and all I had left were these questions that loomed heavily on my heart and spirit. I had many regrets and a mountain of what if’s. I know that only time will heal my wounds and hopefully the vice-grip on my heart will lessen.

As the light slowly filters through my soul again, I gingerly make my way back into the land of the living. Social Media tools like Facebook and Twitter helped to mask my pain in the initial stages of this tragedy but it became pretty clear to me that participating in these forums, before I was emotionally ready, was creating more anxiety in me and would impede the healing process. It was imperative that I disconnect, regroup and renew.

After many agonizing weeks, I feel I can finally breath again. I’m not sure how, but life continues without missing a beat. No, life will never be the same again without my beautiful, loving Grammy. She was the Queen of our family. The Matriarch. And now, the world seems dim without her. But I know that as long as I keep remembering the good times that I had with her, as long as I can see her face in pictures and whisper her name, she will always be with me. She will always be my Grammy. Long live her memory!!! Long live the Queen!!!

I love you Mama!