On December 30, 2009, my beloved Grandmother passed away at the age of 87. The pain, shock and deep and utter despair that I felt was like nothing else I had ever experienced. My life, as I knew it, had been irrevocably changed. Nothing else mattered to me in the weeks that followed her death and trying to climb out of the dark, hopeless abyss of my emotions has been an amazing struggle.
Understandably, the activities that had once given me such joy, like writing and creating, had taken a back seat to my all-consuming pain. Nothing made sense to me anymore and all I had left were these questions that loomed heavily on my heart and spirit. I had many regrets and a mountain of what if’s. I know that only time will heal my wounds and hopefully the vice-grip on my heart will lessen.
As the light slowly filters through my soul again, I gingerly make my way back into the land of the living. Social Media tools like Facebook and Twitter helped to mask my pain in the initial stages of this tragedy but it became pretty clear to me that participating in these forums, before I was emotionally ready, was creating more anxiety in me and would impede the healing process. It was imperative that I disconnect, regroup and renew.
After many agonizing weeks, I feel I can finally breath again. I’m not sure how, but life continues without missing a beat. No, life will never be the same again without my beautiful, loving Grammy. She was the Queen of our family. The Matriarch. And now, the world seems dim without her. But I know that as long as I keep remembering the good times that I had with her, as long as I can see her face in pictures and whisper her name, she will always be with me. She will always be my Grammy. Long live her memory!!! Long live the Queen!!!
I love you Mama!