Out of all the available seating in this place, you decide to choose the seat next to mine? Whatever happened to personal space? It seems that as a society, we are forgetting more and more about what it means to be civilized. We are not a commune of baboons, which migrate around in packs and are constantly grooming each other, searching for bugs. We are human beings with an indelible right to our own personal space and when you ignore those boundaries, well… “Houston, we have a problem”.
As Sofia, on Golden Girls, would say “Picture it”. You go to the Ladies Restroom and there are a vast number of empty stalls. “Perfect”, you say aloud. Since the restroom is empty, you go into the last stall, assuming that if anyone comes in, they assuredly will not take the stall next to yours because they will desire their own personal space as much as you do. Not to mention that you would also be mortified if anyone overheard you taking care of your personal business. But you spoke too quickly because no sooner do you make yourself comfortable on the porcelain god and in walks someone, making a beeline for the stall next to yours. For the love of everything that is holy, are they serious? What of the other open stalls? What is wrong with this person?
You quietly seethe and wonder who was inconsiderate enough to commit this transgression. You look down and across to see if you recognize their shoes. Ugh!!! Who else would accessorize their feet with such heinous foot wear? Just what you needed! So now you wait, hoping that the other person doesn’t do anything too horrifying and that they finish up their business quickly. In an ideal world, that would have been great but no, this is not your day. You both decide to wait the other out and thus ensues a silent nerve-racking game of chicken. No one wants to go first. What now? Well, your body reminds you of all the stimulants you had during lunch (READ large amounts of fiber) and you know that you will not be able to hold out for much longer if this keeps up. The uncomfortable silence is unbearable. Beads of sweat break out on your forehead from the strain of holding on and your nether region is going numb from sitting on a hard surface. Oh, if only your seat were made out of gel. You would surely be gellin’.
Finally, your body decides that it waits for no one and you let yourself go. As this is happening, you quickly take action and do a ‘mercy flush’, hoping that the noise of the flush will disguise any unpleasantries. As quickly as you can, you dash out of there like a bat out of hell, wash your hands for as long as it takes you to mentally sing the Happy Birthday song, and scamper out of the restroom as though your butt were on fire. You are grateful that the wench had the good grace to not show her face until you were done but all of this could have been avoided if the woman had enough sense to cop a squat in another stall further down. Why do people do this? It’s truly exasperating. I don’t know how men do it. Poor things have to expose themselves to the masses. As for Women…sometimes we can be the absolute worst!!!